It's just a fantasy, it's not the real thing
Twelve weeks of fantasy frustration begin in earnest today.
Actually, I shouldn’t put it that way. This is not fantasy frustration. This is real frustration, brought on by the admitted ridulousness of having a fantasy football team.
My dad and I have shared ownership of the Marinara Mudslingers in the Euclid Fantasy Football League since 2001. My brother, Bill, was also once a co-owner, until he was fired in the historic Mudslinger shakeup of 2005. My dad’s shout of “You’re out!” when my brother made the ill-fated decision to rip our draft performance in front of the rest of the league’s owners is still reverberating within the walls of Skinny’s Bar and Grill.
The Mudslingers are the Kansas City Royals of the EFFL. We are perpetual losers, though we did finish with the league’s highest winning percentage in 2006, only to fall in the semifinals when Tom Brady mysteriously passed for just 70 yards in Week 15 against the Dolphins. I still haven’t forgiven him.
This year is going to be an uphill battle. Even by the standards of a 14-team league, our squad is weak (thanks, in no small part, to my absence at the draft… though I missed it to attend a Bruce Springsteen concert in St. Louis, so you can hardly blame me). Let’s just say we’ll be counting on Peyton Manning to throw eight touchdowns a game, even on his bye week. Otherwise, we have no shot whatsoever.
So here’s to my fellow frustrated fantasy participants. It’s time for a new season of making gut-wrenching decisions such as whether to start James Hardy or Dwayne Bowe.
People really shouldn’t have to live like this.
Here are today’s lineups…
INDIANS (68-72): CF Grady Sizemore, 3B Jamey Carroll, LF Shin-Soo Choo, SS Jhonny Peralta, DH Victor Martinez, 1B Ryan Garko, C Kelly Shoppach, RF Franklin Gutierrez, 2B Asdrubal Cabrera. LHP Cliff Lee (20-2, 2.32).
ROYALS (61-80): RF David DeJesus, SS Mike Aviles, DH Jose Guillen, 1B Billy Butler, 3B Mark Teahen, C John Buck, 2B Alberto Callaspo, LF Esteban German, CF Joey Gathright. RHP Zack Greinke (10-9, 3.67).
EXCRUCIATING MINUTIA OF THE DAY…
- Travis Hafner hit another home run to help propel Akron to the next round of the playoffs on Saturday, and Bowie manager (and former Aeros manager) Brad Komminsk wasn’t particularly pleased with Pronk’s presence. But the Indians are pleased, because they believe Hafner is ready to be activated. He will meet the team in Baltimore tonight, work out Monday and probably be activated Tuesday, according to Eric Wedge.
- As expected, Scott Lewis has been promoted from Akron to make Wednesday’s start in place of Anthony Reyes. Lewis has joined the team here in K.C., but his luggage is missing.
- The Aeros will move on to face the Trenton Thunder (and, by the way, how bad a name is the NBA’s Oklahoma City Thunder? Terrible) in the Eastern League Championship Series, which begins Tuesday at Canal Park. It’s a best-of-five series, and the Aeros have been in it five of the last six years and four consecutive years.
- The club record for wins by a left-hander is 23, set by Vean Gregg in 1911. Lee has it in his sights.
- Wedge is really happy with the recent performance of Juan Rincon, who has a 1.74 ERA over his last seven appearances.
- Class A Lake County’s season ended with a loss to West Virginia in game three of the South Atlantic League’s North Division playoffs Saturday.
- Fantasy football fever has also swept the Tribe clubhouse. New league commish Jamey Carroll had T-shirts made for the league’s participants. The shirts have a white football helmet with a Chief Wahoo logo on it. I hope he doesn’t get sued for copyright infringement.